t’s easy to get caught up trying to not only please everyone but please your own desire to succeed as well. I can tell you that after 14+ years in corporate environments one thing has never changed, how manipulative the desire for more can be. The "what have you done for me lately" mindset rules with an iron fist. Even if you are handsomely compensated for your efforts, it is never enough to satiate what is asked of you. However, true success is not an outcome, it is a lifestyle, a culture even. Anyone can find success once or twice, just as a broken clock will be right twice daily. But to keep success requires the ability to care for it instead of chase it. True success is reserved for those "care full" enough to say no, when necessary. No indicates a sense of commitment, a desire to focus (when done right) and a belief matched by consistent principled actions.
What’s hard for most of us (including myself) is learning how and when to say no. We all have heard things like, “say no to 99 things so you can say yes to the 1 right thing”. But, how the heck do you determine what that one thing is?! Further, how do you know which 99 things to say no to?!
I believe it’s something each person has to figure out on their own but here is what I have used to help me:
1. "Comfort, is a beautiful place, but nothing grows there"
What is right does not always FEEL right at the time. There is a difficult thing about doing difficult things and it will not be comfortable. However, this is how I know I am heading in the right direction. The more un-comfort I experience, the more I know I am learning. If I am learning, then success is not far behind.
2. "Do not look were you fell, but rather where you slipped"
What’s right is a whole lot easier to identify when you STAY READY. Staying ready is about embracing your blindspots as much as you embrace your strengths. I know a lot more about when I have gotten things wrong than I do about when I have gotten things right. Because of this, I spend significant time practicing the validity of my boundaries.
3. "Ears that do not listen to advice, accompany the head when it is chopped off"
What is right is for YOU, and nobody else. (Even if you say no, if it’s truly for you it will come back around)
These three truths aren’t always the easiest to have faith in. Life often forces us to lose faith because, well, life sucks at times. But a wise sage once said “trust the process” and an even wiser sage (Young Jeezy) said “trust YOUR process”. Both of these quotes simply mean accept that the work will be hard, embrace that you will have to stay ready, & learn to love the word NO as a method of sticking to your process. If you are launching a venture, believe in it like you believe in breath. If you are making a life change, treat it like the best change you have ever encountered. If you are preparing yourself, prepare with the hunger of CARDi B in 2017. But, above all else, work on how and when you say no. It has the power to turn your dreams into manifest alchemy.