It is a funny, intriguing, and scary thing the first time you get introduced to your Guru. It's as if you realize there is more YOU than you thought there was, and in that same moment you realize that you always knew it. I know, it sounds far fetched, but it is what it is. I remember the first time I was introduced to my Guru. It was on June 24, 2018. It was the first day following my "Year In White" or my Iyawóraje (pronounced: ya-woh-RA-hay). I was laying in my bed upon first waking up and heard a voice say, "so, this is what we've been doing?". Instantly, I knew a few things: 1.) the voice was my own voice, 2.) the voice was assessing my entire life up until this moment (yes, I know that sounds crazy AF), in what felt like a nano second and 3.) I was equal parts terrified and at peace. In true stubborn Aries fashion I thought to myself, "who is WE?!", to which the voice replied, "HAHAHAAHA, yes...". This of course further freaked me out, but also completely made sense at the same time. The voice I was hearing was my true self, my Guru finally revealing itself to me. It felt somewhat I imagine the main character in both Avatar movies felt like (still #TeamAnimeAang btw) - instantly aware that they were a part of something WAY bigger than they ever imagined, and it existed inside of themselves the whole time. Or, maybe like what everyone is going to feel like once we enter the Meta-verse (LOL).
In my favorite poem (INVICTUS) there is a line that says, " I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my Soul", but in that moment on June 24, 2018 I knew just how laughable that line is. Listen to me clear when I say this, YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL, none of us are. Yes, we (technically, and spiritually) have freewill but none of us are bigger than 3 simple truths: 1.) You are the sum of the people and places you spend the most time, 2.) every choice has an invoice, and 3.) everyone has a "community of self" that includes an ego, and the emotions ego uses to protect us from pain. On any given day, our willpower is enough to get us to remain in good character (insert whatever good character means to you here), but then there are those days where you are "in your head" about something nobody else knows you are dealing with. Where you are face to face with the ugly, dirty, secret truths only you hold yourself accountable to. On those days, willpower is no match for you vs you. These days are where having a relationship with your Guru comes in supremely handy. Think of it this way, your Guru is like a divine quarterback taking plays directly from God to win the game of your life. In my first moment with my Guru it was making me firmly aware that I was meeting the actual captain of the ship, and who I thought "I am" was at most, a 1st mate.
if you are a more visual person, here is what it feels like...
From that day forward, I developed a patience to listen for that voice when I need to make me vs me decisions. At first it was hard because I would seriously be going through something and I would hear nothing. Then, the voice was so sporadic I could not catch any pattern to when it was present and when it was not. Patience and surrender became weights on my ankles instead of badges of honor. But then, a few juicy me vs. me battles got handled by just me, no Guru, just me and my hard work. Also, I started to recognize a pattern to how I was handling my own problems - BE Open, BE Honest, FEEL, and BE Patient. This became a mantra I would repeat to myself during meditations, before toxic work meetings, or while snot crying in joy on my living room floor during a beautiful memory of my Plant Medicine ceremony (Thanks Gabi). Whatever the situation, as long as I was open, honest, allowed myself to fully feel, and remain patient for what to do next I was good.
It's taken me two weeks, some wild lived experiences, and re-igniting of connections only bloodlines can understand to write this, and I am thankful that this broke my streak of weekly writing. While I am continuing my commitment to write weekly, I also surrender to my principle, "everything in moderation, including moderation"
Thanks for the reminder Guru
✌🏾 & 🤟🏾